There is a very common conception that in order to keep our kids safe, we have to make sure we protect them and follow their every move. It starts with the toddler who is caged in his own house with door gates, continues to padded table corners and ends at outlet covers.

This attitude towards safety continues on into later stages in childhood. Kids can not climb tree because they can fall and they can not ride bicycles on their own in the park because will they get lost. The underling idea with this misconception is that if we “hide” these dangers from our kids, we can keep them face.

I of course think this is a foolish approach. I think that we need to expose kids to these “unsafe” environments and give them the tools to understand what is so dangerous about them. The tools that we give them will help them assess other “unsafe situations” that we might have not thought about and eventually result in a child who is self aware of his environment and feel safe because he knows his limits.

I think that is a very known fact that kids can teach us, adults, many lessons that we have either forgotten over the years or never gave a second thought too. My son (7.5) taught me a simple but effective lesson the other day.

My kids know not to walk behind cars in our carport or at a parking lot. We continue to remind them that they are small and drivers can not see them in their rear back mirror. Apparently, my son did not see it only as a warning but also as a problem that needs to be solved and he started working on a solution.

The other day he came and said:

“You know daddy, when we walk behind cars they can not see us because we are too small, but I think I have a solution for them to see us”.

I looked back at him quite surprised. He was very serious and seemed to have put a lot of thought into his solution.

“And what would you suggest you do?” I replied

“I think that if we have to go behind cars we just need to raise our hands, this way, the driver can and will see a hand in his mirror and will understand we are there and stop the car” He looked back at me with his big brown eyes waiting for a reply.

I thought for a second and said:

“You know, this is actually a very good idea. Although I still do not want you to go behind cars, if you raise your hand a reversing car has a better chance of spotting you”.

His smile back showed me how proud he was of his solution and the fact that his dad approved of it and I learned a new lesson from my son on how to solve serious problems with a very easy solution.

The most interesting thing I encounter during my consultations to parents is there inability to look beyond the event horizon of their lives and understand the issues hey are facing. I call it: Parents Complacency.

This term describes parents’ tendency to accept t what is becoming a new conception regarding their raising their kids. Parents Complacency can be found everywhere in the way they behave, the food they give to their kids, the way they talk to their kids and in many other areas. I usually point out to parents exactly where they comply with misconceptions and the look on their eyes is priceless.

For example, parents take it for granted that their kids need to “hydrate” after every physical activity, which is of course not true. Kids do not need to drink every 20 minutes of playing in the park. They have the capability of goofing around without constantly being attached to a water bottle. I show these parents that by always keeping their kids “hydrated” they create a dependency relationship where their kids always turn to them for water instead of just being independent.

Another example is the picky eaters. Parents learned to accept the fact that their kids are picky eaters. This is the way kids are. I show these parents how to overcome this hurdle and find out that their kids love to eat fruits and vegetables.

Parents Complacency can be found in other areas as well. The new trend that I hate the most is sanitizers. All of a sudden, kids have are attached to these semi transparent bottle and every time they tough something they just have to use the sanitizers. I do not know if these parents heard about the immune system, but I can promise you that it is still alive and kicking in their kids’ bodies. The fact that there are kids are constantly sanitized causes the immune system to become lazy triggering in more illnesses and diseases.

Don’t become and complacent parent yourself – ask the right questions, tackle those issues that bother you.

Many parents keep asking me:

“Barack, you always preach how TV and video games are so bad for our kids, but if I take them away what can I do with my kids”

My answer to them is composed on a list of various activities:

Cook with your kids, teach them how to play a musical instrument, teach them a second language, have them do some art projects, experiment with some woodwork project, teach them a third language, let them read, have them ride their roller blades, let them work in the yard, ask them to help with the laundry, tell them to write a story, let them take the dog for a walk, let them write a song and perform, ask them to clean their rooms, have them ride teir bikes, tell them to set the dinner table, show them how to clean the house and more and more. This is only a partial list of course.

Once I show this list to parents I always get the same answer:

“Barack, this is impossible. No kid can ever have such a to do list. They will never follow it and will never complete it. And your crazy idea about a second and a third language is ridiculous. It is simply unfeasible. “

I reply back with a smile:

“Not only that it is feasible, I have 2 kids who are already doing it – my two own kids”

I remember a time, not too long ago, when kids used to be, well, kids. They spent their time playing outside, socializing and from time do their homework. Childhood back than was very simple and it was not too long ago, only 20-30 years ago.

On birthdays the gifts ranged from erasers to pencils and birthday parties were done at home with very few good friends or outdoors in a park with the whole class. Kids were just kids. They did not require much and they were not given much. They were happy with the few toys they had and were happy to share them with their friends.

About 15 years ago I started to notice a change. Kids became a targeted segment of the market, and as such kids lost that stigma of “being kids” and got a new definition – Consumers.

Now. Since the big companies do not really care about us, adults – old fashioned consumers, why would they care about kids as soon as they are also categorized as Consumers?

We already know that food for adults has lost its taste, lost its texture, lost its nutrients and the food industry could not care less. Now are kids are treated the same. The big  orporations only care about their bottom line. Who cares if a child eats 1000 calories in one sitting? The soda ad does not show the calories, it shows how cool it is to drink soda. Who cares that cartoons cause our kids not to develop their physical abilities? The media companies want them to watch TV so that they can sell more ad space. Who cares that technology gadgets cause our kids to become unsocial? The technology companies only want to sell more games.

Our kids are brainwashed since day 1 with garbage on a daily basis. Their developing brains are not exactly sure what is real and what is not any more. The big companies hook them up on products as captive audience for life. And what do we, the parents do? Nothing.

We let that background noise and bad influence enter our homes and our lives without even noticing them.

I sometimes suggest parents that I work with, to try and run this exercise in their heads to demonstrate to them why their kids do not accept their authority. Try it for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Today’s kids from an early age are deposited at day care when they are only a few weeks old. Busy parents drop them there as early as 7AM and pick them up again as late as 6PM. As a matter of fact, the new born spends most of his day with strangers.

As the new born becomes an infant and more aware of his surrounding he still spends most of his time with strangers and when he gets home, his parents are tired from a day’s work so they let him watch TV or play some video games.

The infant grows up and becomes a kid. He now goes to kindergarten or school. His days end at 2:30 but most of the time his parents can not take him home at this time and so they have two options. The first one would be a nanny to take care of him until 6PM and the other one – an after school program. At this age, kids still do not see their parents for more than an hour a day.

On weekends, from a very early age, the situation is not much different. Parents want to rest or run their errands and so the kids’ room or basement equipped with the latest gadgets are the new entertainment center. Not only that the kids do not spend enough time with their parents, now they suck their values, behavior and look on the world from flickering; unrealistic, animated icons.

If you were a kid raised this way, what would you think? How would you behave? Would you accept your parents’ authority?

The other day, it dawned on me how ironic the censorship is. We all know that the media is blipping 7 curse words. And why do they do it – so that young years, god forbid, do not hear these awful and offensive words and again, god forbid, repeat them.

At the same time, these same media outlets, which “save” our young kids do not censor anything else; themes which are much more harmful to our kids. Examples? Here you go.

Did you watch a kid movie or even a cartoon lately? Have you noticed how much violence they feature? These flicks for kids are full of physical confrontations and violence. These flicks literarily teach our kids how to become violent.

Have you seen video games for kids recently? Do you know that the best selling titles are shooting games? From an early age we teach our kids how to hold a gun, shoot at other people and kill other animated human being. We are desensitizing our kids.

There is more. The media that we expose our kids to portrays women as needy and  dressed provocatively on the border line of sex objects. From an early age we teach our kids that women should be treated as second hand citizens and plant the idea that females always rely on males for their protections and that males see in women a sexual object and nothing else.

I despite the feverous efforts of the media and the government to enforce the 7 curse words and at the same time pump superficial ideas into our kids’ minds.

I took my son to a new basketball practice program yesterday. Practices and games are held at the local elementary school’s basketball court. We arrived just before 6PM, ready to meet the new kids and parents. My son found a basketball while I introduced myself to the coach. On my walk to sit down and watch the practice I have noticed that the balls bouncing off of the basketball court sound a little muffled. At first I gave no second thought but then it hit me: The court’s floor was padded. Yes, you are reading this correctly – PADDED with a thick felt like material. I just could not believe my eyes. They padded the court to prevent injuries!

What next? Bubble wrap the kids before a game? Put helmets on each one? Replace the basketball with a sponge ball so no one gets hurt? How far will we take these ridiculous steps to so called “protect” our kids? There is no limit any more to stupidity.

We experimented a little with our kids and their nightly sleeping habits. When they were babies and later infants they slept through out the night and napped here and there. As they grew up we tried to time their night bed time to see what would be the perfect time for them.

Even though they are now 7 and 6, bed time never changed. It still stands on 8PM every night except for weekend nights where we let them stay late until 9PM.

Our kids wake up at 7AM every weekday and leave the house 30 minutes later to be at school right before 8 in the morning.

Time and time again I have witnessed the effects of having them go to sleep late during school days. By late I mean, late by even 30 minutes. On those rare occasions, our kids are cranky in the mornings, barely able to drag themselves out of bed and have to go to bed even earlier the next evening. For me, I can not imagine having a kid sleep less than 11 hours per night and still function normally at school but I know many parents whose kids go to bed much later than 8PM on school days and I also see the results. They reflect in their homework, patience, class work and more. These kids drag with them, from childhood, sleep depravations and sleep disorders that later on in life do affect normal mental and developmental progress.

If you take into account that my kids are super active when they get back from school and not lie around watching TV all afternoon – you get that special kick as to why my kids (and any kid for that matter), need and have to sleep 11 hours a night.

My kids participate in several sports activities. During winter time it is basketball season. They have a practice once a week and a game on the weekend. There is somewhat a twisted tradition that attached itself to the games like a leech attaches to your skin.

At the end of every game, while the coach goes over the highlights of the game, one parent provides snacks to the kids. It does not matter if the game finished right at lunch time or just before dinner time – it does not matter all. Snacks are brought out of their bags and distributed to the kids. If the kids would have gotten an apple, banana or even some grapes, I would have thought nothing of it, however, what the kids get are always store bought salty and sugary snacks. The irony here is that these kids finally had some physical activity and moved their untrained bodies to burn some calories and now they are getting empty calories as a compensation of their effort. So sad.

But there is another side to it. Kids are getting used to be rewarded by food for their efforts. Just like the Pavlov effect, where the dog drools when he hears the bell ring even though no food is offered, same with kids. They are being trained to receive fatty unhealthy foods at the end of every activity.

No wonder we grow a generation of fat, physically unfit lazy kids who are used to eat junk food.

Last night I had a last minute business meeting at 7PM. My wife was at yoga and I had to take the kids with me. The meeting was taking place at the nearest Starbucks and was schedule for about 30 minutes. Instead of approaching my kids with “bed” news about dad going out, I flipped the news in their favor.

“Kids” I said “I have a surprise for you”

“What is it daddy?” They ask

“We are going to Starbucks where you can buy hot milk and a cookie for desert”

They are jumping off their seats in excitement.

“You need to take your books to read while dad needs to talk to his friend”. They immediately agree and off we go.

As always, they purchase what they want by themselves. They approach the cashier and tell her exactly what they need. She rings them up and they also pay. They grab their goodies and go to sit on the sofa opening their books and reading while dad decides what he is going to have.

I choose my cookie and hot milk too and take my time ordering. My contact, which I only know through emails, has not arrived yet. When I am done, I take a look at the kids and see them talking to an adult sitting close to them on the sofa. Other parents might freak out, but not me. My kids know very well how to talk to adults and when. They know that if their dad is with them at the store, they have no problem engaging in conversation with anyone there. I smile and approach them.

As I do the person they talked to stands up and asks for my name and introduces himself. He is my contact person and without knowing it talked to my kids.

We sit down to take care of business and he tells me how parents are freaking out when other unknown adults talk to their kids. I briefly tell him about my theory and he smiles understating it completely. We get to business and every once in a while I glance at my kids. They are busy reading and drinking their hot milk. The meeting goes without a hitch and after 30 minutes we are done. During that time I did not have to quiet my kids, talk to them or even approach them because of something that they do. I conduct my meeting as if they were not there.

This brief and unimportant incident comes to demonstrate parents that kids can be obedient and under self control with proper upbringing.

Many parents ask me: “How can I engage my kids? What can I talk to them about? They never want to tell me anything any way”. My answer is very simple: engage them in the simplest everyday things. Make benign things a fun and mind blowing experiences for them.

I was going to visit a friend who lives in a gated community. The kids were with me at the car. Before reaching his gate and keying the entry code, I had a great idea.

“Kids” I turn back.

“Yes” they answer

“We are approaching his house but we need to key in his gate code to enter the community. I do not remember the code but I know it is 5 digit long. Do you mind trying to guess what it is?”

I can see how their eyes sparkle. Dad needs their help. They consult with each other for a few seconds and come up with a series of 5 digits.

“Ok” I reply as we stop by the keypad “Let’s try. Give me the numbers” and they do. I hear behind me: “3, 2, 7, 8” a little commotion and the last number comes in as well “5”.

I reach the keypad and key in the right code given to me by my friend but say out loud the numbers they just gave me, asking them to repeat them one more time but slowly.

“3, 2, 7, 8 and 5” I call out loud as the keypad beeps my entries.

To my kids’ utter amazement, their imaginary “code” works and the gate opens.

This small incident was the talk of the day. They could not believe how smart they were to guess the code.

It is the simple things in life that ignite our kids’ imagination. No need for cumbersome and elaborate electronic toys or video games.

My son’s (7) teacher started to teach a class the class a new topic – Rocks. They go over the different rocks, layer, types and definitions of each type of rock. To better demonstrate to the class how the layers of rocks look like, she decided to physically show them through an observation.

She took two pieces of bread. Spread some peanut butter on one slice to show the lava layer, put a layer of M&Ms on top of it to show a layer of rocks, spread chocolate on top of them, to show the layer of earth and spread cookie crumbs for the top layer. She finished by topping all of it with a piece of bread and gave each kid a sandwich to eat.

And I have to ask myself – in face of obesity in this country, the over use of candies and the barrage of sugar we face our kids with – is this really the right tool to use? Can’t she use something other that candy that the kids can learn from?

I went to my son’s (7) class to read a story to his class mates. I chose an easy to understand book about earthquakes with illustrations. The teacher took the kids outside, to the sun, and we all set down – me on the chair and the kids on the ground.

I opened my book and started reading. During these readings, I like to ask the kids questions to see if they really understand what is going on in the book. I ask a question and they raise their hands for response.

After one of these questions, one boy raised his hand and I let him give the answer. When he started to talk I got a glimpse into his mouth. He had at least 4 cavities in his lower jaw and I can assume he had a comparable amount on his upper one as well. That scene shocked me. At his age, these teeth are probably already adult teeth and damage has been done that will accompany him for his whole life. His parents, who are responsible for his well being, should have insisted on proper brushing and mouth hygiene, but in this day of age, where parents barely have time to dedicate to their kids, dental issues are not a priority and in the meantime, we are screwing our kids’s future.

Get creative and fun with your child’s dental health education

Good dental care means a beautiful smile and a healthy mouth. While on the other side of that coin neglecting your child’s oral health can lead to embarrassing and painful tooth decay, discolored teeth and gum disease later on in life that will need to be treated with dental procedures and oral pain medication that you can buy inexpensively in any pharmacy.

Even though your toddler might not care about brushing their teeth right now, later on in life they will regret not taking better care of their dental health if they have bad teeth in their self-conscious teenage years. But how can you teach an unruly toddler the importance of dental health now—so they will thank you for teaching them the proper steps to maintaining a nice white smile in their teens.

Teeth-brushing for toddlers can be as effortless as a smile. What you don’t want to do is create fear around dental hygiene, for instance if your toddler has bad memories of teething pain they may hesitate to let you put your fingers in their mouths. However, the trick is to get creative and fun with your dental health lessons, for example:

1. Brush your toddler’s teeth for them
It is your responsibility as parent to teach your child the importance of good dental hygiene so brush their teeth for them using the correct brushing strokes. You can also use cartoon dental printouts from your dentist or online to show them what areas of the mouth you are cleaning.

2. Brush your teeth to a song
Children, especially in the toddler years, are drawn to any learning that incorporates rhythm and rhyme—just look at their favorite songs and storybooks. So you can tell them that it’s important to brush their chompers in order to clean away the little bugs that live on their teeth and eat away at their mouths…or you can teach them more effectively through song, like so:
“There are bugs on our teeth moving in.
They eat our teeth from our gums to our chins.
But we’ll brush up and down, and round and round,
And we’ll spit them out and rinse so they’ll never be found.”
As you can see, it’s easy to create a catchy little tooth brushing song that incorporates the techniques of proper brushing, like:
• Proper tooth brushing motions—up and down, round and round
• Spitting out, not swallowing toothpaste
• As well as the importance of a good mouth rinse after brushing

3. Make dental health a huge deal
For instance, after you’ve shown your daughter or son the proper way to brush their teeth (up and down and round and round, spit and rinse) give them the toothbrush and let them try it on their own. Ask them to, “Show mommy how well you can brush your teeth by yourself?” This is important as most toddlers are developing independence and they feel great pride and satisfaction when doing things for themselves. Afterwards, make a big deal out of their efforts with other family members (e.g., dads, grandparents and siblings) and celebrate their accomplishment with laughter, clapping and excited cheers.

4. Make teeth brushing into a game
Creating excitement and even a bit of competition around a hygienic routine like teeth brushing will make it into a task your toddler looks forward to. For instance, brush your teeth at the same time and make a competition out of who can brush longer or get their teeth cleaner.

Post by: Bernice Spradlin is an avid hiker and runner. She works at a gym in Brooklyn, New York, where she gets great inspiration for her freelance health-related articles and blogs. In her off time, you can often find Bernice jogging the East River path along the waterfront and enjoying the cool breeze. She can be contacted at BerniceG.Spradlin@gmail.com

We are all, parents, educators and even the government constantly cheer for equal opportunity rights. We always say out loud: “Girls are equal to boys” and feminists will even burn their bras to demonstrate that point, however, in reality things are exactly the opposite. Here is how it goes.

From the very first day boys and girls are born, we start to treat them differently in a biased way that prefers boys over girls and makes boys grow to become better than girls. “How?” you might ask yourselves. “I am, as a parent, will never do something like that. I treat them equally”, but here is the thing – you do not. As I wrote, it starts in early childhood and kids games and continues to adulthood.

What kind of games do you buy your son? You might answer, Legos, building blocks, puzzles and even balls. And why do you buy these toys for boys? The answer is also obvious. You want them to develop their motor skills, analysing skills and coordination. In other words, the toys are there to help build some very basic skills that your boy will retain for the rest of his life.

And what do we buy girls? Dolls, make up, dress-up dresses, purses and hair brushes. The obvious question is what kind of skills do we teach these girls? And the answer is also very clear: be pretty, grow up to be a home maker and most importantly, rely on someone else to do everything for you because you do not really posses any useful skills.

When our girls grow older, all of a sudden the “equality” monster pops her head again demanding for equal rights however, for years we have filled our girls’ head with junk and now it takes them time to learn these new basic skills all over again. Not an easy task to do.

We, as a society, have created built in mechanism to make sure that boys will always be better than girls.

On my way to drop the kids at school, I see quite frequently how the portable TV is blasting away at other car pooling vehicles and I always ask myself the same question: Why?

I am pretty sure that when the kids wake up, the TV in the house (or worse – in their bedroom), is already up and running and I am also pretty sure that when they get back to school the same happens as well, so why do these parents need to also extend it to their cars?

For me, dropping the kids in the morning is a great time to talk and chat with my kids. They woke up up 30 minutes before, they are full with energy from the night, in good mood and have lots on their minds as they ready themselves for the day. It is that in these morning car chats I find out a lot of information about their needs, wants, fears and wishes. In one of those chats I discovered that someone was bullying them, in another one I found out that my girl was also playing with boys and in another who was the class clown. The car ride in the morning and the afternoon can provide a wealth of information considering my kids’ life, so why ruin it by watching TV?

I was walking with my wife the other day on our way to a restaurant without the kids. Having a night out just the two of us to energize our marriage. On our way I saw an ad that caught my eye. It was an ad for raising money for heart disease research. What caught my eye with this ad was the way they wanted to raise the money. The title of the ad was: Buy Nachos to help fight heart disease. There was, of course, a picture of a Nachos plate loaded with cheese attached it. I smiled because of the contradiction in the ad. On one hand it is a noble cause to raise money for heart disease but on the other hand, the very means to raise that money is the leading cause for heart disease.

I always like to ask families I help the following question: “What do you think is going to happen” and I give them an example.

For instance, what do you think is going to happen to your child if he is beaten every day since birth? What do you think is going to happen to your child if he is consistently under fed? Or what do you think is going to happen to your child if he is deprived from sleep for years?

I deliberately choose extreme and shocking scenarios to get the families think about consequences of such actions in order to driver my real point across. These families are of course outraged at such examples and immediately attack back with worst case scenarios for that poor kid in those examples and I let them rage a little, release steam.

When they are done, I ask them another simple question that usually is the beginning of our discussion at helping them with their kids: “What do you think is going to happen to a kid who is in front of flashing, blinking and dancing monitors in front of his eyes most of the day?” It is at that time that these parents become very quite and understand what I was driving at. Their kid’s behavior is influenced by his habits and these habits need to be changed.

I just heard that the FDA approved the usage of Ritalin for 4 year old kids. I think it is a shame. Instead of treating the root cause of the problem – we drug our kids and the US government allows it. I am pretty sure that some powerful drug industry lobbyists “helped” getting to this conclusion.

The truth is that by some very simple means such as cutting off video games to young mind, banning TV from their lives, providing physical activity outside and providing them with nutritional food, we can solve this problem easily.

However, parents do not want or have no time to invest the time or provide the attention needed to solve these problems. They are looking for the quick easy to use short cut solutions. It is easier to give a pill then to address the real issues.

We are drugging our kids for no reason and we will suffer the consequences later. I only feel pitty for the poor kids who have to go through this process and lose their souls and their normal development in the process.